Wow, I have literally stared at a blank page for far too long! I just don’t know why I’m struggling to get my word to A) make sense and B) get out of my head. It’s not like this is a sad post either, it’s just a look back at this past year. Why a sum up of a year in the middle of April? Well specifically this time last year my life completely changed, not only did I come out of a 4 1/2 year relationship but I also change my entire career! So lets see just what has happened…..
Like I said above, I ended a 4 1/2 year relationship (but I’m not talking about that now, I have wasted enough time and energy this past year reminiscing on it) and literally 5 days I stopped working at Tesco and moved on to being one step closer to my dream job, I started working in a solicitors office. So I think this is a massive change in anybody’s life no matter how prepared you think you are! It was so daunting and scary the thought of leaving my Tesco girls was horrible, I point plank refused to think about that part! To the point where even though I knew it was my last shift I thought I would be able to go in do my job and leave (and maybe cry when I get home), but when I walked into the staff room I was met with my most favourite people (including one of the girls being in the airport on Facetime!!). It’s safe to say I was not expecting it and I literally done a U turn and walked back out, only to be dragged back in and stand there crying like a baby (note to anyone due to leave a job, on your last day DO NOT wear liquid eyeliner). As if this wasn’t enough they had also sneakily bought me presents which apart from the alcohol and food I still have and wear pretty much daily!
And since starting at the solicitors I have actually had a promotion and have also had positive discussions on how I see my future with the firm (Eeeeeeekkkkkk!!!)
Alcohol, dancing and a more alcohol….
My counsellor told me that when we come out of a relationship we grieve for the future we hoped for/ pictured and I guess my way was to go out with my friends, drink and dance the night away! But wow, have some memories been created (from the parts of the nights we can remember). I can’t thank my girls enough for what they have done for me! I know who my true friends are and I wouldn’t have grew such strong bonds with them if everything didn’t happen last year.
Out with the old….
Treat yourself! If there is one thing I have drilled into my head it is to treat yourself and have ‘me time’. And one thing that was really bringing me down was my car. My cute little dream car of a Mini Cooper was a complete problem child from the get go! There was this rattle from the centre of the car that nobody know where exactly it was coming from or what was causing it. We had different people look at it, drive it and MOT’s done on it and nothing! So I made it my mission to fine a new little car allllll for me and I found it! a cute silver VW Golf with barely any miles on the clock, clean MOT, touch screen centre panel…Urghhh I just love it!
It really doesn’t matter if it is make-up, a new car, a new outfit or even just having that chocolate bar, just treat yourself! Go and find something new, replace whatever is playing on your mind!
If you have read some of my previous posts you might realise that I have been to counselling. Last year I got diagnosed with depression, I got prescribed anti-depressants but I just don’t want to be on tablets plus I had an allergic reaction to them. Along with the anti-depressants I was also told to attend counselling… and so I did! It should have only been for 6 weeks but I ended up doing 9 weeks of it and even though we didn’t focus on the area I though we were going to, it helped SO SO much! I was actually scared to stop because I felt maybe a little too comforted by it, but the night of my last counselling session I put one of the tips into action and it felt SOOOOO good!
To be honest I’ve debated whether or not to go back and see a counsellor again, there are some days I feel my mental state going back to what it used to be and it scares me, I really don’t want to go back and fight them demons again. This might be something I revisit this year? The counsellor I used is from Mind they are so professional and you forget you are actually talking to a counsellor, they are just so friendly! I’ll leave a link to their website here.
You might have been able to guess by some of the other posts I’ve written, I have really found my feet when it comes to exercise this past year or so. And with me enjoying exercise more my body confidence has rocketed! Don’t get me wrong I’m still not filled with confidence about myself but my body is mine and I have worked to get it into the shape it is now and (yes I know this sounds big headed and I’m sorry) it is actually a really nice shape. I have an hour glass figure, big thighs and bum, average sized boobs and a flat-ish belly < the belly is the bit I need to finish working on, it just does not want to tone up! So yes it could be better but it will be eventually and I know it will get there! Nobody should hide their body for any reason! Are you worried about what people think of the way you look? Then just think of it this way, they are looking at you for a reason and nobody is completely happy with their body we all want to change something which then means we all lack body confidence in one way or another!
Spots, spots and more spots…
Talking about confidence, we all think that by the time we reach our twenties our spots will all be gone don’t we? Well I’m 24 and STILL suffering from the face invaders and I’m talking normal spots but also big boil like spots that last for literally months at a time! So after speaking with my older brother one night I decided to go to the doctors about it and it turns out I have a condition called ‘Acne Vuglaris’ which I am now on medication for. There is a slight change up to now, like the redness of my spots has died down and one of my boil spot things has pretty much gone. I am still going to have to go back to the doctors for another round but I have now stopped wearing foundation so that is a massive step in the right direction as far as I’m concerned!
Last topic on body confidence I promise! But this year I decided to improve my body that little bit more and add 2 pieces of art work to it permanently…..
My little semi-colon tattoo which I have done a blog post on (I’l leave a link here). This tiny little tattoo represents not only my struggle with mental health but it is also for everybody else who suffers with mental health problems! So small and cute yet such an important meaning to me!
This AMAZING piece is for my little baby that I had to get put down Christmas 2016 after 16 amazing years of being partners in crime. He was literally my world no matter who came and left, he was by my side no matter what! I miss this dog like I don’t even know what, he will now forever be by my side.
I know I have mentioned this above but this year I have really grew closer not just to my friends but to my family. This could be because of how amazing they have been/are but also because in August we had a pretty big anniversary, it was 10 years since we lost our dad. Where and how does that even happen? 10 years how much does that straight up suck!? The person that is meant to be the main man in anyone’s life, gone, missing out on SO SO many things, grandchildren being born, wedding anniversary’s, graduation, partners entering and leaving their kids lives, passing driving tests ect it it is just horrible. Everyone tries to avoid or feel awkward talking about dads when they know you lost yours and even though I get why I would so rather talk about it with them then have them feeling awkward or apologise for mentioning it, now that hurts more because it then make you think about what moments you are missing out on. Just talking normally makes things feel more normal (sounds strange I know) but at least you are not slapped in the face with reality that actually you are missing a large bit of your family and there is sweet jack all you can do about it.
But another major thing happened last year that to be honest not that many people outside of my family know about. Just as I was preparing for my leaving do from my old job I got a call from my cousin to say that my auntie was being taken into hospital after phoning my mam at work and her telling me to still go out and enjoy my night and she would phone me if she needs me I went out and drank/danced the night away. Only for when I woke up the next morning to be told just how bad things were. My auntie was admitted into hospital but straight onto the HDU ward with things really not looking good. In the end we got asked to phone her husband who had just started a new job in Africa to come home because they just weren’t sure how long she had left. For basically a month she was up and down like a yo-yo, this was one of the worst time ever last year, it out weighed EVERYTHING… but you know what? She survived! She kicked butt and is still recovering today! She is one hell of a fighter and I would love to think that if something like that happened to me I would fight it like she has. God knows what this family would have done if things didn’t end as well as what they did. This just showed that you really shouldn’t take each day for granted, live it like it is your last. My auntie didn’t have any warning signs, she had a stomack ache on the morning then by 8 at night she was in HDU.
It’s amazing what a person can go through in a year isn’t it! This next year I plan on living life even more and travelling more! Whats the point in earning money if you are going to waste it on nothing? Spend it on trips, pretty things you wouldn’t normally buy yourself, your future and your friends and family!